Joke thread

[bluemoon98]

What's red and shit?




United :) no problem



;)

 

[malg]

The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They've imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil.

Jesus wept... Pathetic on all sorts of levels.

My apologies if I offended anyone. I was just repeating a joke I'd just heard.

Don't apologise, it's a good joke.

 

[foetus]

perhaps an offensive joke thread is needed?

 

[East Level 2]

Def Leppard are playing Blackjack.
The singer draws 19, and says 'Stick.'
The drummer says, 'I told you not to call me that.'

Replace 'Def Leppard' for David Beckham and 'singer' for Posh

Drags it from a mid 80's joke to something people under 40 might get ;-)

Is there a lot of whooshing going on regarding Rick Allen?

 

[TangerineSteve17]

Rick who?

 

[Bill Walker]

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have avocados, get 6."

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had avocados."

 

[Zubrman]

perhaps an offensive joke thread is needed?

Perhaps a joke thread is needed!

 

[East Level 2]

Rick who?

More whoosh or Def Leppard's one-armed drummer?

 

[mad4city]

Jesus wept... Pathetic on all sorts of levels.

My apologies if I offended anyone. I was just repeating a joke I'd just heard.

Don't apologise, it's a good joke.

Fair enough, on not wishing to offend, Alex. And your apology is welcome.
But... my God, no matter what anybody says, regardless of the fact that it relies on a boorish and outmoded premise (that the Irish are stupid) that's an awful joke. No matter what anybody tells you!!
Awwwfull!!!

Tumbleweed, awful!
Church bells in the distance, awful!
My dog just fucked himself under a bus after hearing it, awful!
I'm embarrassed for you, awful!

Other than that, keep 'em comin'.
:-)

 

[SteWadda]

My apologies if I offended anyone. I was just repeating a joke I'd just heard.

Don't apologise, it's a good joke.

Fair enough, on not wishing to offend, Alex. And your apology is welcome.
But... my God, no matter what anybody says, regardless of the fact that it relies on a boorish and outmoded premise (that the Irish are stupid) that's an awful joke. No matter what anybody tells you!!
Awwwfull!!!

Tumbleweed, awful!
Church bells in the distance, awful!
My dog just fucked himself under a bus after hearing it, awful!
I'm embarrassed for you, awful!

Other than that, keep 'em comin'.
:-)

Odd place for a dog to have a wank

 

[hackneyslim]

Helen Keller was so poor that at one point she was living hand to forehead.

 

[jimharri]

An oldie, but a goodie;

It's breakfast time, and a wife asks her husband; "Darling, would you like some bacon, eggs and toast?"
Husband.."No, thanks. It's the viagra, I have no appetite"
Lunchtime, she asks " How about a nice ham sandwich, just the way you like it? or a nice bowl of chicken soup?"
He replies "No; it has to be the viagra, not hungry at all, thanks"
Dinnertime and she asks "What about a nice sirloin and all the trimmings, apple pie for dessert?"
He again replies "Sorry love, I'm really not a bit hungry. I am sure it's the viagra"
Suppertime, she asks "What about a nice chinese takeaway, you choose?"
He replies "No, I could not eat a thing. Stop asking me, it's the viagra!"



"Well", she says; "Would you mind letting me up, I am fucking starving."

 

[Hamann Pineapple]

"Some people call me the space cowboy, some call me the gangster of love, some people call me Maurice"

Starbucks: "I'll just put Maurice"

 

[Sergi0 Na5r1]

Joke thread - Can we post highlights of the rags's humiliation at the sword of lowly cambridge? Or a transcript of van girl's filoshofee?

 

[drthingy]

How do you tell the sex of an ant?

Put it in a bucket of water:

If it sinks:girl ant

If it floats: boy ant.

 

[foetus]

How do you tell the sex of an ant?

Put it in a bucket of water:

If it sinks:girl ant

If it floats: boy ant.

 

[jimharri]

Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them, they said it
would be just like winning the lottery! I agreed, and they were right.
We all stripped off and to my horror, we had six matching balls!

 

[RabidCity]

What's red and shit?




United :) no problem



;)

What's blue and shit. Oh that's right the team that just lost to Middlesborough

 

[bluemoon98]

What's red and shit?




United :) no problem



;)

What's blue and shit. Oh that's right the team that just lost to Middlesborough

Haha funny ;)

 

[Alex the Blue]

A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to throw herself off a bridge so they stop.

The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says "what are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he did not appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity. He asked "Well before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So, she does and it was a deep, lingering kiss.

After she's finished the biker says "Wow! That was the best kiss I've ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl...."