The "let's talk" thread

[PinkFinal]

Big love going out to you BMR

 

[Banshee]

Mum died peacefully at home yesterday afternoon. I had to nip to the chemist for morphine and when i got back my daughter said mum was dying. It was quite an emotional moment but as she drew her last breath i held her hand and told her i loved her. I think she held on for me

RIP mum x

So sorry for your loss hun, I know it's been a tough road for you. Take comfort in knowing you were all there and your mum would have wanted it that way. I know about the relief, watching someone you love, with no real quality of life, die slowly is the absolute worst. I'll admit when I sat watching my mum I told her several times I wished she'd just go on and be with me Dad.


Time to take care of you now x

 

[Celeste]

Thinking of you BMR at this really difficult time. I think for any of us, if we could chose how to go, it would be surrounded by the most important people in our lives. Your experience sounded so peaceful, with lots love and support for her and each other. You are blessed to have such a beautiful family. Your daughter is a star.

 

[Nellies left peg]

Could've done with this thread a few weeks ago when i was feeling a slow as i have ever been. A lot of the things in my life were going wrong.
My Ma died suddenly, my wife had reached the end of any meaningful treatment for her MS and was going downhill very fast. On top of that my business was facing closure due to circumstances beyond my control.

Like a typical bloke i kept all my worries to myself and began to deal with them by getting lost in booze. My health was starting to suffer and mentally i was struggling to hold it all together.

One afternoon in the pub i met a really nice woman and we got chatting about life and i admitted mine was shit at the moment. She asked me why and i just laid it all out ( i admit i was filling up whilst doing this but managed to hold meself together) without pulling any punches. The woman listened and offered support and some good advice (she'd been through depression earlier in life). Almost immediately after chatting i began to feel better, and by the next day i was in a much better place.

I have never spilled my feelings out like that before as i'm the 'strong one' who holds all my family together and supports everyone else. If anyone is still reading this and is feeling swamped with life i urge you to talk to someone, anyone you feel comfortable with. It will help.

Fast forward to now and things are much rosier. New experimental drugs for the missus are working well, i've been offered help for the business and i made a very good new friend. My Ma is still dead but you can't have everything eh...

What is the drug if you don't mind me asking? My missus has secondary progressive ms and after nearly 30 years she is not in a good way. I packed in work at Christmas to look after her 24/7 so I appreciate what shit you have been going through as I have no family left for support

 

[blue wang]

Firstly can I offer my condolences to Bluemoonrisin. I can't imagine what it's like losing a mum.



I'm going through a really tough patch.

I got married last year, pretty much a year to the day. I always thought I wanted some more kids, and she certainly does. More than anything.

But I have a 7 yo girl and she's my life. But ever since me and her Mum split up it's eaten me alive. I went from seeing her every day and doing everything on weekends and on a night, to seeing her half of the week. That's hard. If you're a caring father, I know some aren't.
Her mum's a pain, we get on mostly but since we split up she has her moments calling me a shit dad and all that stuff. I know i'm not, but when someone tells you this stuff you can't help but question yourself. Led to anxiety and depression before I met my current Mrs.

This year the little one's been off school 35 days. Since September. I can count on one hand the days she would have had off it was upto me. I've spoken to school and even asked for advice from a solicitors and it turns out i don't really have any rights and if I tried to get custody i'd lose. The whole thing has affected her school work etc.

Jumping back to me and the Mrs. We've not had a great time of it since lockdown TBH. Shouldn't have got married really. And now she's desperate for a baby, but I am now thinking I don't want to be in the same situation again. Told the Mrs. She said it means she won't ever have a baby. But I said she can, we can go our separate ways.

Keep your head up,. Just be there as

What is the drug if you don't mind me asking? My missus has secondary progressive ms and after nearly 30 years she is not in a good way. I packed in work at Christmas to look after her 24/7 so I appreciate what shit you have been going through as I have no family left for support

Fucken hell,. My heart goes out to you brother.

 

[Celeste]

Firstly can I offer my condolences to Bluemoonrisin. I can't imagine what it's like losing a mum.



I'm going through a really tough patch.

I got married last year, pretty much a year to the day. I always thought I wanted some more kids, and she certainly does. More than anything.

But I have a 7 yo girl and she's my life. But ever since me and her Mum split up it's eaten me alive. I went from seeing her every day and doing everything on weekends and on a night, to seeing her half of the week. That's hard. If you're a caring father, I know some aren't.
Her mum's a pain, we get on mostly but since we split up she has her moments calling me a shit dad and all that stuff. I know i'm not, but when someone tells you this stuff you can't help but question yourself. Led to anxiety and depression before I met my current Mrs.

This year the little one's been off school 35 days. Since September. I can count on one hand the days she would have had off it was upto me. I've spoken to school and even asked for advice from a solicitors and it turns out i don't really have any rights and if I tried to get custody i'd lose. The whole thing has affected her school work etc.

Jumping back to me and the Mrs. We've not had a great time of it since lockdown TBH. Shouldn't have got married really. And now she's desperate for a baby, but I am now thinking I don't want to be in the same situation again. Told the Mrs. She said it means she won't ever have a baby. But I said she can, we can go our separate ways.

This is such a difficult situation to be in, I really feel for you and your wife. It is so hard to live apart from your daughter. Don’t make any rash decisions though, your wife sounds like she’d rather sacrifice what she wants more than anything to stay with you.
Sending you best wishes and hope you manage to find a way to get through it all, no matter what.

 

[Nellies left peg]

Keep your head up,. Just be there as

Fucken hell,. My heart goes out to you brother.

Thanks mate, life is a bitch but you've got to crack on and she is still an inspiration to me with her attitude. Ms is a cruel disease

 

[mat]

Mum died peacefully at home yesterday afternoon. I had to nip to the chemist for morphine and when i got back my daughter said mum was dying. It was quite an emotional moment but as she drew her last breath i held her hand and told her i loved her. I think she held on for me

RIP mum x

Sorry for your loss our kid.

I can't really add to what other posters have said.

 

[Bigga]

Firstly can I offer my condolences to Bluemoonrisin. I can't imagine what it's like losing a mum.



I'm going through a really tough patch.

I got married last year, pretty much a year to the day. I always thought I wanted some more kids, and she certainly does. More than anything.

But I have a 7 yo girl and she's my life. But ever since me and her Mum split up it's eaten me alive. I went from seeing her every day and doing everything on weekends and on a night, to seeing her half of the week. That's hard. If you're a caring father, I know some aren't.
Her mum's a pain, we get on mostly but since we split up she has her moments calling me a shit dad and all that stuff. I know i'm not, but when someone tells you this stuff you can't help but question yourself. Led to anxiety and depression before I met my current Mrs.

This year the little one's been off school 35 days. Since September. I can count on one hand the days she would have had off it was upto me. I've spoken to school and even asked for advice from a solicitors and it turns out i don't really have any rights and if I tried to get custody i'd lose. The whole thing has affected her school work etc.

Jumping back to me and the Mrs. We've not had a great time of it since lockdown TBH. Shouldn't have got married really. And now she's desperate for a baby, but I am now thinking I don't want to be in the same situation again. Told the Mrs. She said it means she won't ever have a baby. But I said she can, we can go our separate ways.

Tough spot, kid.

I can relate about mums being shitty when they think they're amazing parents. My boys' health became super problematic when I had to separate from my lads. Literally banged on 2st each 6 months afterwards and was in denial until her GP echoed my thoughts about it!

As for your current Mrs (I won't get married again, so I feel for you), it's understandable to be hesitant. I guess you have to decide how much you love her and whether you can understand that women change after having a child. Men forget that.

We tend to think they will stay the same.

Understand yourself and trust your own decision on it, but understand the consequences too, of giving her what she wants compared to what you want.

 

[WEMBLEY76]

If anyone man is struggling and can access Andy’s man club I can recommend them,they meet every Monday at loads of locations across the Uk,see their website,it’s free,turn up and talk to other men,get a free brew and open up you will find many other people in similar situations and it does help enormously to talk,that’s their motto,It’s okay to talk.

 

[N1985]

Mum died peacefully at home yesterday afternoon. I had to nip to the chemist for morphine and when i got back my daughter said mum was dying. It was quite an emotional moment but as she drew her last breath i held her hand and told her i loved her. I think she held on for me

RIP mum x

Ah mate so sorry for your loss. Death is always awful to deal with but when it's your mam it hits you harder than anything else. Inbox is always open no matter the time, day or night. Stay strong Blue.

 

[Barcon]

Mum died peacefully at home yesterday afternoon. I had to nip to the chemist for morphine and when i got back my daughter said mum was dying. It was quite an emotional moment but as she drew her last breath i held her hand and told her i loved her. I think she held on for me

RIP mum x

Sorry to hear this news. I know how much it means to have been there at the end though mate.

 

[JRockBlues]

Mum died peacefully at home yesterday afternoon. I had to nip to the chemist for morphine and when i got back my daughter said mum was dying. It was quite an emotional moment but as she drew her last breath i held her hand and told her i loved her. I think she held on for me

RIP mum x

Sorry for your loss. You have done your best for the family at every stage and nothing more could be asked of you. If/when you get any guilt over feeling a little relieved that your mum's suffering has ended then that's a natural reaction. Just know that it's for the best for all concerned when there's no hope of recovery.

 

[stonerblue]

Mum died peacefully at home yesterday afternoon. I had to nip to the chemist for morphine and when i got back my daughter said mum was dying. It was quite an emotional moment but as she drew her last breath i held her hand and told her i loved her. I think she held on for me

RIP mum x

So pleased you were with her mate.

 

[stonerblue]

What is the drug if you don't mind me asking? My missus has secondary progressive ms and after nearly 30 years she is not in a good way. I packed in work at Christmas to look after her 24/7 so I appreciate what shit you have been going through as I have no family left for support

Kesimpta. Will pm you in morning.

 

[Nellies left peg]

Kesimpta. Will pm you in morning.

Thank you mate

 

[DunfermlineBlue]

Just recently split up with my girlfriend of 4 years , we have a 2 1/2 year old daughter together who is my entire world. I Had our whole life’s planed in my head we have a nice house well paid job etc now I just feel lost.
She says I can see her whenever I want and would never stop me seeing her but I just can’t get my head around not seeing her everyday.
Not really sure what I want to get from posting this , never talk to anyone about how I feel and still not told my family what’s going on suppose it’s easier just saying it here.

 

[Blue Mist]

Firstly can I offer my condolences to Bluemoonrisin. I can't imagine what it's like losing a mum.



I'm going through a really tough patch.

I got married last year, pretty much a year to the day. I always thought I wanted some more kids, and she certainly does. More than anything.

But I have a 7 yo girl and she's my life. But ever since me and her Mum split up it's eaten me alive. I went from seeing her every day and doing everything on weekends and on a night, to seeing her half of the week. That's hard. If you're a caring father, I know some aren't.
Her mum's a pain, we get on mostly but since we split up she has her moments calling me a shit dad and all that stuff. I know i'm not, but when someone tells you this stuff you can't help but question yourself. Led to anxiety and depression before I met my current Mrs.

This year the little one's been off school 35 days. Since September. I can count on one hand the days she would have had off it was upto me. I've spoken to school and even asked for advice from a solicitors and it turns out i don't really have any rights and if I tried to get custody i'd lose. The whole thing has affected her school work etc.

Jumping back to me and the Mrs. We've not had a great time of it since lockdown TBH. Shouldn't have got married really. And now she's desperate for a baby, but I am now thinking I don't want to be in the same situation again. Told the Mrs. She said it means she won't ever have a baby. But I said she can, we can go our separate ways.

I can only offer this, dont know if its any good but... talk to your first wife, it seems you can. Tell her when she puts you down it fucks with your head. Tell her you'd like to have your daughter over more as well. That may help sort you out a little. Not sure what to say about your second problem with your current wife.

 

[BlueMoonRisin’]

Thank you all so much for all the kind words, much appreciated: )

Mum was such a wonderful selfless women all her life. She worked unpaid for Multiple Sclerosis society, Red Cross, British heart Foundation and worked in Willow Wood hospice shop, Droylsden for 28 years and she worked till she was 85 doing one day a week. She baked cakes and pastries, made hundreds of jars of jam and planted seeds to then donate seedling plants for charity events. The last time i took her shopping she told me to put several items in the trolley and left them in the food bank bin.

That's a big part of who she were, a wonderfully kind person and loving mum. Gone but never forgotten.

 

[Nethermoor]

Just recently split up with my girlfriend of 4 years , we have a 2 1/2 year old daughter together who is my entire world. I Had our whole life’s planed in my head we have a nice house well paid job etc now I just feel lost.
She says I can see her whenever I want and would never stop me seeing her but I just can’t get my head around not seeing her everyday.
Not really sure what I want to get from posting this , never talk to anyone about how I feel and still not told my family what’s going on suppose it’s easier just saying it here.

If you ever want to chat let me know. Exactly the same situation. No one realises how hard it is for fathers when they lose seeing their child every day.