When was the last time you soiled yourself?

Many years ago I had to take a dump, we were in some woods and it was the middle of the night, so I took a shovel and dug a small hole in the ground - it was winter so the ground was pretty solid. I stripped off, I was wearing overalls so I kept the bottom trouser part on (pushed down around my ankles) and just struggled out of the top jacket bit. Anyway I did my business but because I hadn't 'been' for a couple of days there was a lot, so the hole in the ground kind of got full quickly! - I had to shuffle forwards a bit and as a result my overall jacket went underneath me - all un-beknown by me. So eventually I finished and started to get myself dressed, I found a rather large warm present in the shoulder of my jacket that I put my arm in, needless to say it spread all the way down the inside of the sleeve and also fell down my back :( - Took me 2 hours to clean myself up in the dark and get changed into clean kit !! - Happy days!
 
I tooted once and shat me self whilst wearing cream chinos - i was very embarrassed so i just said 'how's that for Bobby Sands'
 
knuckles said:
Many years ago I had to take a dump, we were in some woods and it was the middle of the night, so I took a shovel and dug a small hole in the ground - it was winter so the ground was pretty solid. I stripped off, I was wearing overalls so I kept the bottom trouser part on (pushed down around my ankles) and just struggled out of the top jacket bit. Anyway I did my business but because I hadn't 'been' for a couple of days there was a lot, so the hole in the ground kind of got full quickly! - I had to shuffle forwards a bit and as a result my overall jacket went underneath me - all un-beknown by me. So eventually I finished and started to get myself dressed, I found a rather large warm present in the shoulder of my jacket that I put my arm in, needless to say it spread all the way down the inside of the sleeve and also fell down my back :( - Took me 2 hours to clean myself up in the dark and get changed into clean kit !! - Happy days!
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Woods, middle of night, shovel….. what on earth!!?!?
 
I find if your ever travelling past your house in the day your arsehole knows and embraces the fact you can enjoy a turd on your own throne and this day was no exception. As I got to my front door I was sweating but still confident there was just enough time to get on the shithouse. As I pulled my van keys out I realised the house keys were in my locker and now I’m panicking big time. My neighbours a nosy old fool and I’m worried he’s watching me wondering what I’m doing home at this time. I had overalls on also and my arse clock wasn’t calibrated for all this delay, I’ve got seconds to make a grim decision. Starts to get my arms out in a frenzy and rips the sleeve straight off but there’s no time and I’ve wrote off my boxers. Took the overalls off and cleaned up best I could with the sleeve and carried on my day thinking it could have been a lot worse.
 
I remember driving up the M6 towards the Trough of Bowland to do a spot of hiking, on the way I bought two packets of mints, not realising that they were the sugar free variety (Sorbitol sweetener, a laxative) I gorged both packets down as I was driving.

As I neared my destination, I realised something was wrong, my stomach was growling like mad and I desperately needed a shit.

Where can I go I thought and came up with the idea of a motorway service station, so I immediately turned around and headed back down the M6. My stomach seemed to feel a bit better now so I decided I would try and make it home without stopping.

Around about Preston back came the stomach gripes but worse this time, so I decided to try to hang on until the Anderson Services (new name now, CG or something). I parked the car as near to the building as possible and walked as fast as my clenched cheeks would allow me.
When I got to the toilets there was a sign 'Cleaning in Progress' outside the door but I saw someone coming out so I thought it must be OK to go in. I went in noticed the woman cleaner going up and down the floor with a mop and went inside the first cubicle. I sat down and all I could do was fart, loud farts, very loud farts in fact, my stomach seemed to be full of air, I sat a while longer and farted loudly some more but nothing else came out, but it released the pressure on my stomach so I felt better for doing it.
When I came out of the cubicle the cleaner gave me the biggest dirty look I've ever seen, I washed my hands and continued my journey.

Then just before the M60 the pains came back, thinking it was just gas again I attempted to force a fart out, but no, there was no noise just a warm, wet feeling in my trousers, but the bloating pain hadn't gone. I decided to just shit if I had to and clean it up as soon as I got home - the only trouble was I didn't have enough fuel, I was going to have to stop to get fuel while wearing my shitty pants. I came off the motorway at the next junction and looked for a garage before my pants became too full.

I pulled into old fashioned petrol station and parked up alongside the pump, they didn't have a pay at the pump option. After putting about ten quids worth in just to get me home I went inside and had to stand in a queue of three people to pay and of course the person at the front was fannying about.

The smell was pretty bad meaning I got a few looks off the people in the queue, when I'd paid I just waddled back to my car and drove home.
I spent my night between the toilet and the shower.
 
Last edited:
GAZZA said:
I remember driving up M6 towards the Trough of Bowland to do a spot of hiking, on the way I bought two packets of mints, not realising that they were the sugar free variety (Sorbitol sweetener, a laxative) I gorged both packets down as I was driving.

As I neared my destination, I realised something was wrong, my stomach was growling like mad and I desparately needed a shit.

Where can I go I thought and came up with the idea of a motorway service station, so I immediately turned around and headed back down the M6. My stomach seemed to feel a bit better now so I decided I would try and make it home without stopping.

Around about Preston, back came the stomach gripes but worse this time, so I decided to try to hang on until the Anderson Services (new name now, CG or something). I parked the car as near to the building as possible and walked as fast as my clenched cheeks would allow me.
When I got to the toilets there was a sign 'Cleaning in Progress' outside the door but I saw someone coming out so I thought it must be OK to go in. I went in noticed the woman cleaner going up and down the floor with a mop and went inside the first cubicle. I sat down and all I could do was fart, loud farts, very loud farts in fact, my stomach seemed to full of air, I sat a while longer and farted loudly some more but nothing else came out, but it released the pressure on my stomach so I felt better for doing it.
When I came out of the cubicle the cleaner gave me the biggest dirty look I've ever seen, I washed my hands and continued my journey.

Then just before the M60 the pains came back, thinking it was just gas again I attempted to force a fart out, but no, there was no noise just a warm, wet feeling in my trousers, but the bloating pain hadn't gone. I decided to just shit if I had to and clean it up as soon as I got home - the only trouble was I didn't have enough fuel, I was going to have to stop to get fuel while wearing my shitty pants. I came off the motorway at the next junction and looked for a garage before my pants became too full.

I pulled into old fashioned petrol station and parked up alongside the pump, they didn't have a pay at the pump option. After putting about ten quids worth in just to get me home I went inside and had to stand in a queue of three people to pay and of course the person at the front was fannying about.

The smell was pretty bad meaning I got a few looks off the people in the queue, when I'd paid I just waddled back to my car and drove home.
I spent my night between the toilet and the shower.
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Haha always nice to see an addition to this thread.
 
Near miss earlier this evening. Just about made it to the lavvie. And it was that liquified stuff as well, so it would have been a bit messy. Sort of "down the back of your leg" messy.
 
jimharri said:
Near miss earlier this evening. Just about made it to the lavvie. And it was that liquified stuff as well, so it would have been a bit messy. Sort of "down the back of your leg" messy.
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Had a similar situation. Enjoying my pizza in Asda before the match I had the tell tale rumbling and had to use their less than salubrious loo for a runny one. Sat very uncomfortably throughout the evening
 
Apologies to those that may have read this in the Covid thread in December but thought I’d repost to give those if you who hadn’t seen it a laugh (hopefully)


“Regards the trots:

For those having breakfast or a nervous disposition please don’t read the following

March 2020, Cheltenham week, I was in Sheffield on a delivery, it was very cold so I had several layers on, farted and followed through.

I stopped the van, climbed in the back to “clean” myself up and the door closed on me, as I was taking my jeans off, the floodgates opened and liquid shit just drained out of me, I couldn’t stop it. I was covered in natures waste. Took my hi viz off, my gilet and jumper to clean myself up. Went to open the door of the van, keys were in the ignition and phone in the cradle and it had locked. Van has a bulk head so no access to the front, I was trapped, shit all over the van ply lined floor.

My only way out was to open the cage on the bulk head and crawl into the front but it was such a small opening I didn’t think I could get through, it was my only option.

As I attempted it the floodgates opened again, nothing I could do. I did make it through, relieved but once again covered in shite. I still had a delivery to make. Got another hi viz and used my notepad to try and clean up. Got the parts out of the van, put them in the customer’s yard, rang the bell and asked them to carry into the factory from about 20 yards away.

Got home, stripped off, full of the brown, it had even run into my work boots which I binned, Mrs H bless her got all my gear and put it in the wash, that was apart from the hi viz involved in the second incident, I discarded that at the side of the road where there was a load of rubbish (I know, fly tipping which I’m ashamed off but not thinking straight). I returned to that company this week and what a surprise the hi viz was still there, picked it up and discarded

Was really ill after that, all the symptoms of Covid but no way of knowing as I couldn’t get in the Docs and the nearest test centre available was Glasgow.

I shudder to think what I would have done if I couldn’t get out of the van, it was an industrial estate on Friday afternoon, worst experience of my life”

Last edited: 17 Dec 2021
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Carnage in trap 2 level 3 entrance J today. Midget gems strewn all over the floor, one sock and a pair of soiled pants resting on the pan.

Somebody needs to own up to this
 
journolud said:
Carnage in trap 2 level 3 entrance J today. Midget gems strewn all over the floor, one sock and a pair of soiled pants resting on the pan.

Somebody needs to own up to this
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Sounds like they've already suffered enough
 
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