When was the last time you soiled yourself?

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You're not going to like this

<a class="postlink" href="http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=120921191&CJAID=10409403&CJPID=3727850" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthrea ... ID=3727850</a>
 
bluereddish said:
***BUMP***BUMP***BUMP***BUMP***BUMP***BUMP

You're not going to like this

<a class="postlink" href="http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=120921191&CJAID=10409403&CJPID=3727850" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthrea ... ID=3727850</a>
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What you have done there is open up a whole new world of wierd and disgusting threads. These few top anything that's ever been done of this forum before.

<a class="postlink" href="http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=118669751" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthrea ... =118669751</a>

<a class="postlink" href="http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=118669751&page=2" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthrea ... 751&page=2</a>

<a class="postlink" href="http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=121076391&page=12" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthrea ... 91&page=12</a>

<a class="postlink" href="http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=120921191" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthrea ... =120921191</a>
 
bluereddish said:
***BUMP***BUMP***BUMP***BUMP***BUMP***BUMP

You're not going to like this

<a class="postlink" href="http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=120921191&CJAID=10409403&CJPID=3727850" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthrea ... ID=3727850</a>
Click to expand...

absolutely disgusting but absolutely brilliant.

having read through some of the replys there, i feel sorry for the chap.. the other posters are missing a bit of humour.
 
paphos-mcfc said:
BimboBob said:
After a 12 hour drinking session we ended up at a mates house for 4am scotch.I was the last to leave.As i made my way down the street everything started to rumble.I was about 40 foot from his front door but i knew i wouldn't have enough time.
Over the road was an alleyway so i made for it.As i got there my arse gave up.Quickly i started to pull clothing off but i wasn't quick enough.It was everywhere.My trousers,pants and socks(i'd taken the shoes off) were flung down the alley as my arse carried on depositing bum water.Suddenly a security light came on.
It wasn't an alley.It was someones drive entrance.It was quite weird with all this liquid poo coming out of what felt like every hole to see a face staring at me from behind a upper floor window.
Soon it stopped and i then had the messy job of putting my trousers back on.I then rang the missus and asked her to pick me up(i was a good 6 miles from home)and to bring loads of bin bags for me to sit on.
When i told my mate the next day he didn't believe me so he went to check the house over the road and saw a man steam cleaning his garden/driveway walls.
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PMSL
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ha ha - tears of laughter!
 
No poo in this one, sorry. A near-miss story.

I was flying back to Manchester from Aberdeen a few years ago. The flight was delayed and I got pretty pissed in the bar. As we were due to board I thought about having a piss, but decided to wait until we were airborne. Anyway the flight was pretty bumpy so the Captain kept the seatbelt signs on. I kept asking the Stewardess and she kept saying 'in a minute'. I finally snapped and decided to go anyway, but the girl was having none of it. Then the Captain said that we were coming in to land, so no chance of talking her into it. Then we circled over Horwich for another twenty bloody minutes by which time, nearly two hours into the flight that should only take a hour, I could taste it in my mouth. We landed with a bump and god knows how I held on. Then we taxied for what seemed like another hour and finally got on stand. When the seatbelt lights came off I found that I couldn't stand up. I had to ease myself to my feet like an old bloke. I hobbled into the airport and found the nearest bog. To this day I can remember that piss, the sense of relief was overwhelming. The airport was closed for two hours because of all the steam that came off it.
 
johnmc said:
There was a post on here a few months ago about a lad who shit the bed and blamed it on his missus who was asleep. It was the funniest thing i've ever read. Someone who knows what their doing find it. Hilarious
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I heard something similar to this recently. A young couple were having anal on her parents bed, and after they were done, the girl shit herself all over her parents bed. She blamed it on the dog, who had recently been put down.
 
Please move this to classics. I love nothing more than having a good flick through this.

In fact, i had to google it...

By the way, anyone soiled recently?
 
Not sure how well-known this story is (or even the player concerned) but I've read the re-issue of Mark Lawrenson's autobiography. He tells a brilliant story about when he was playing for Eire and the squad went on a trip to Poland and their hotel was pretty rank with the result that a few of the players got stomach problems.

They were on a coach travelling something like four hours between locations when one of the younger members of the squad, a lad called Kevin O'Callaghan who played for Ipswich, was struck down with this severe stomach upset and sudden and urgent diarrhoea.

Because of the unrest in Poland at the time, the coach driver was under strict instructions not to stop the coach under any circumstances other than at designated points, and Kevin O'Callaghan desperately needed a toilet - and there wasn't one on the coach!!

End result? Guess? Hardly a surprise!!

Lawrenson goes on to explain that they needed to try and help him 'clean up' somehow - and the squad had been presented with a set of lace tablecloths by the Polish FA - which had to be "pressed into service" until they could get him a change of clothes!!
 
What a nice MOD you are.

Picture the scene. I am in America. Pennsylvania to be precise. A quaint little Amish village called Intercourse. There is a Amish country shop complex that sells all manner of home made junk that my wife and my mates wife and two young girls like. By a stroke of luck we are staying on the complex above one of the shops. A lovely room with a massive en-suite. To get to this room you need to go through the shop and up the stairs.

We had been wandering around for a while and sat down to eat. Everything was rosy except as it's Amish land you can't buy beer. One of my mates little girls didn't fancy her burger as it 'looked funny' and me being a greedy git wolfed it down.

We carried on browsing, my wife loving the Christmas shop. I sat outside and smoked. Weirdly,even though it was 90 odd degrees i started to feel cold. Then i started to sweat. Then my stomach started to quiver. I knew what would happen next.

Assessing the situation i decided not to head for the public toilets 20 yards away but saunter to our room 300 yards away. So i sauntered. My stomach flipped again. I sauntered a bit quicker. Then i started to saunter real fast. Some might say it was a sprint. As i reached the shop doorway i felt a warm feeling down the back of my legs. That were bare due to me wearing shorts.

I ran into the shop only to be stopped by the lovely old lady who ran it. She asked how i was and if the room was ok. I stood there for around 5 seconds before feeling even more warmth down the back of my legs. I ran for the door. I ran up the stairs. I ran into our room. I ran into the bathroom.

That's as far as i got as everything exploded. It was everywhere. Stupidly i chucked my clothes from the floor, which now resembled a forest floor after a rainstorm into the bath. I sat on the loo.

45 minutes later i had cleaned up everything. 20 minutes later i had cleaned the towels and my clothing.

As i made my way out of the room i noticed a brown stain on the stairs. It was also in the shop. A large stain that the nice old lady was scrubbing. I made my way outside and on the steps was another. In fact the weird stain appeared right up until the edge of the shops.

My wife asked if i was ok. My mates also. The little bastards asked why i had changed my clothes and appeared sweaty.

Bloody burger.
 
Couple of years ago I was pissed up bigtime and decided to get off at the next tram stop to get a better choice of takeaway (the ones in crumpsall are not much kop!)
Anyway I ended up plumping for kebab meat and chips (with salad obviously!)..
Anyway I had only had a couple of mouthfuls of the splendierd supper when I got a very strange grumbling deep in the depths of my bowels...I knew there and then I was in big trouble John!
So, I took a man sized mouthful of donner meat, binned it and then upped the pace of my walk!
Got about 100 yards from home and made one of them decisions in life that had to be done...I popped into a deserted pathway (think its a shortcut to somewhere?) and downed my troons!
To cut a long story short...shit everywhere (this was after falling arse over tit on more than one occasion!!)
Got home and fessed up to the enemy who was less than impressed!
She threw me in the shower and I still didnt manage to clean myself properly!!

The funny thing was I was out drinking because I was full of man flu and thought I would drink it out of me (like you do!)...I had shit loads of tissues in my coat and if I would of remembered I had them on my person, would of saved alot of arse ache!
 
This thread is class. Been trawling through it for about an hour. Brilliant stuff, laughed aloud at some of it. Excellent material.

I myself, have never ever soiled myself, except at a very young age. So can't contribute to the thread properly apart from suggest it to be in the Classic Thread's forum and also thank all the posters for some great laughs most notable; BimboBob, Didsbury Dave and Swervin.
I applaud you all.
 
no excuses to bottle it and run off now adays,Most bogs have a dryer in them.Just loosen ya kecks and dry the shit up.It;ll flake off like brown arse dandruff..so I;ve been told.
 
Brilliant thread.

I've never had a proper soiled myself moment.

The most embarrassing 'soiling' moment was probably when I threw up in the toilet in Mallorca, whilst at the same time releasing an unholy amount of liquidised shit from my rear end, all over the bathroom floor.

At the time, I was well and truly bladdered, and when it's like 5 in the morning - and you're pissed - on holiday, all you want to do is get some shut eye, so I had to prioritise.

Without flushing, or wiping, or cleaning, I hopped into my single bed, next to my mate's bed who was also asleep. That would be the last I would know about it until the next afternoon when I approached my sunbathing mates who greeted my appearance with cheers. There, they would tell me the morning's events:

Apparently, my mate was unpleasantly awoken by the most repugnant stench imaginable, and, deciding to investigate, opened the door to find a brown liquid on the floor trying to escape to all corners of the room. Not only that, but some of the shit was joined by pieces of rogue sick which had missed the toilet to form a horrific hodgepodge of my insides. As any wise man would, he decided to abandon the room for a certain time.

This was not the end of my embarrassment.

Second to intrude upon my doings was the sweet, old, Spanish maid. It was her who was left with the unenviable task of cleaning up, which to the best of my knowledge, she did, as the bathroom was spotless when I arose, apart from the malodorous poltergeist which remained.

Hoping to put our differences aside, English charm in hand, I approached the made a day later when she was cleaning next door's room. I spoke in an unabashed tone; "Ola!", I spoke.

It was no surprise that my greeting was met with a hostile stare and some pretty aggressive gesticulation. I quickly turned away, realising that my shitting had caused irreparable damage to the customer-maid relationship before hurriedly returning to the sanctity of the humiliation of my friends.

Safe to say, my rudimentary grasp of Spanish would never meet the old maid's ears again.
 
nashark said:
Brilliant thread.

I've never had a proper soiled myself moment.

The most embarrassing 'soiling' moment was probably when I threw up in the toilet in Mallorca, whilst at the same time releasing an unholy amount of liquidised shit from my rear end, all over the bathroom floor.

At the time, I was well and truly bladdered, and when it's like 5 in the morning - and you're pissed - on holiday, all you want to do is get some shut eye, so I had to prioritise.

Without flushing, or wiping, or cleaning, I hopped into my single bed, next to my mate's bed who was also asleep. That would be the last I would know about it until the next afternoon when I approached my sunbathing mates who greeted my appearance with cheers. There, they would tell me the morning's events:

Apparently, my mate was unpleasantly awoken by the most repugnant stench imaginable, and, deciding to investigate, opened the door to find a brown liquid on the floor trying to escape to all corners of the room. Not only that, but some of the shit was joined by pieces of rogue sick which had missed the toilet to form a horrific hodgepodge of my insides. As any wise man would, he decided to abandon the room for a certain time.

This was not the end of my embarrassment.

Second to intrude upon my doings was the sweet, old, Spanish maid. It was her who was left with the unenviable task of cleaning up, which to the best of my knowledge, she did, as the bathroom was spotless when I arose, apart from the malodorous poltergeist which remained.

Hoping to put our differences aside, English charm in hand, I approached the made a day later when she was cleaning next door's room. I spoke in an unabashed tone; "Ola!", I spoke.

It was no surprise that my greeting was met with a hostile stare and some pretty aggressive gesticulation. I quickly turned away, realising that my shitting had caused irreparable damage to the customer-maid relationship before hurriedly returning to the sanctity of the humiliation of my friends.

Safe to say, my rudimentary grasp of Spanish would never meet the old maid's ears again.
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No wonder they want Gibraltar back.
 
HAHAHA, this has to be the best thread on bluemoon, superb.

one concern i have is that so many members of this forum have shit themselves (post youngster), that is not normal.
 
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