Joke thread

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.......

'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'' ...'Sure.'

'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks. 'No, I can remember it.'

'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'

He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'

'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.

Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate, back at him, back at the plate again...

'Where's my toast?'
That tickled me but I know I will get blank looks when I tell it back.
 
That tickled me but I know I will get blank looks when I tell it back.
Haha. You might like this one then...

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house. After eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. They left the two gentlemen talking and one said, 'Last night we went to this new restaurant and it was fantastic. I would recommend it very highly.'

'Oh, great. What's the name of the restaurant?' asked his friend.

The first man thought and thought, and finally said, 'What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.'

'Do you mean a rose?'

'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. Turning towards the kitchen, he yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
 
Haha. You might like this one then...

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house. After eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. They left the two gentlemen talking and one said, 'Last night we went to this new restaurant and it was fantastic. I would recommend it very highly.'

'Oh, great. What's the name of the restaurant?' asked his friend.

The first man thought and thought, and finally said, 'What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.'

'Do you mean a rose?'

'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. Turning towards the kitchen, he yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
Quality. Not as good but still funny.
 
A teacher asked her class to name things that ended with 'tor', that ate things.
The first little boy said, "Alligator."
"Very good James, that's a big word."
The second boy said, "Predator."
"Yes, that's another big word Josh,. Very well done."
Little Johnny says, "Vibrator."
After nearly falling off her chair, the teacher says, "That is a big word Johnny, but it doesn't
eat anything."
"Well my sister has one and she says it eats batteries like there's no tomorrow!

Teacher asks the class to name a word with 10 letters.
Little Billy said"Masterbate"
Teacher a bit flustered says "That's a bit of a mouthful"
Kid replies "that's a blow job and it's only 7letters"
 
Guy goes into a nightclub.

Approaches a random girl and asks her

"Scuse me. Can I smell your pussy?"

Outraged she replies "No you can not!"

"My mistake" says he "Must be your feet, then."



Well it made me laugh.
 

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