Well I’ll try my best to explain what troubles I have and what I’m trying to do do get it sorted ….. sadly I have 2 separate problems that resonate with each other . Me …. 50 years old and all the usual worries of the world ( money , job and life in general ) and my 16 year old son ( autism and adhd )
If all them years ago someone said their son had adhd then I’d have just had them down as a naughty child , but now that my son was diagnosed at around 11 years old we live in that bubble of dealing with adhd . It’s affected us all massively tbh . He’s been thrown out of school ( now does online learning ) and has limited social skills but the last 8/10 weeks he’s been suicidal . To the point where he’s gone missing 3 times . One time found in the middle of nowhere , one time heading to Manchester and one time on a motorway bridge at 3am . All of the above has me living in a very fragile bubble where even though I’m trying my best it’s such a fine margin .
He’s received limited help and we have strange faces round at the house from social workers “ checking in “ but it’s the long term plan that I struggle with . When he turned 16 he was released from CAHMs and now falls under ACSC but up to no we’ve had no contact . Medication for him is limited at the moment as he hasn’t been to see CAHMs in over 2 years ( does have an appointment soon though ) . It’s not all doom and gloom though …. He talks about getting a job and earning money which is his main motivation and he also goes to the gym 3 times a week ( which helps ) . One thing I can’t stress enough though is that everything we have gone through over the last 4/5 years you suddenly realise how much this country is failing in helping people ( like my son ) but just in general . Even though he had written a suicide note and taken himself off to a remote spot it only took the hospital 25 minutes and 10 questions later the permission to discharge him . I couldn’t see how this would help anyone but it seems “ the way “ people with MHP are dealt with these days .
With all of the above happening it affects me so much at times . I have a great wife and looking in it looks like we have no problems but behind closed doors it’s a different story . Long and short of it is that I feel that I have failed to do what is best for my family ( my son in particular though ) . When I have these low moods it doesn’t take a lot to nudge me off course and then it’s a vicious circle . Sometimes it something as small as something someone says to me , but ultimately it chips away at me .
I do things to try and swing me out of my mood ( Lions Mane , ice baths , AMC etc ) and to a point it works but not as good as it used to . How it all ends I honestly don’t know but at this moment in time I don’t feel like I’m actually living a life that I enjoy .
Sorry for the long post and it’s actually the first time I’ve written anything to this extent . Could be worse I suppose ….. could support United !!
I work with many adults, young and old, in similar circumstances to your child. I, too, have a son that's on a similar trajectory to your son, but the difference being I'm not with my ex-wife anymore.
I have seen the way my boy is developing and have tried to instil to his mother some of the strategies we have at work and it takes time to learn on all sides, patience for change to happen and committed structure according to the needs of the supported person.
I'm afraid it's not a quick fix and it's not a 'fix' at all, but a life readjustment. As long as you realise your child won't 'normalise' I think you'll be better able to cope mentally. I see it in parents who have an outside hope for their child 'getting better' and whilst it's natural to think like that, it won't be right to stay in that thought pattern.
You will feel like you've let your child down somewhere, somehow but it's nobody's fault, so getting out of that mindset is important. The lack of help will also compound this and I see this often in my job.
Without offering direct medical advice, I think a medication that takes the 'top' and 'bottom' of your child's anxiety might help focus along with the gym going (excellent focus, by the way). The ADHD is likely to exhibit out in terms of boredom quickly and sometimes impatience, so at around 16, with hormonal changes and body growth, this is going to exacerbate everything, generally speaking. Maybe take up hiking or something adventurous/ actively engaging with him as part of a planned structure?
I know you know all this but, sometimes, it's better to see it in words than disappear in your head, where it gets lost.
Don't stop talking on here, none of us can think of everything ourselves.
