7 months into parenting my first and highly likely only son. I can say this with conviction as he was an IVF child and took 8 years to achieve. Nobody said it was easy, and I never could have imagined how hard it would be either. My job requires a lot of travel and even though I always come home daily and never stay over, I can't help but feel I'm failing him and the mrs. We have no local family so she's left with him all day and even though he's a lovely kid, he's hard work. I get home fucked or constantly feeling rushed from all the travel and I just don't feel like I'm getting it right for them.
I had a very similar situation with our first born. She's 14 now, but as a newborn my missus was the one who took the maternity leave and had her all day, whilst I'd just been promoted at work and was so keen to show I was up to it that I'd be leaving at 6 and getting home at 6. Day trips to customers in East Anglia? No problem boss! And home in time to help out. Trouble is, she had colic pretty bad and I'd often walk straight in to that. My missus exhausted and emotional, hands her over and goes off for some kip.
You aren't failing anyone. The adjustment to life with a baby is hard. The hardest thing I've ever done, but it's also the most rewarding. Unfortunately it often falls on the bloke to do this dual role, but stick with it and you'll see the rewards. If anything, you can take your foot off the gas a little at work, I wish I had done. A couple of people at our place went on to something called a 9 day fortnight. Essentially you do the hours of ten full days over nine, so don't drop any pay, but get an extra day off every second week. If your employer is open to flexible working, or crows on about supporting employees mental health, challenge them on it and consider this or something similar.
Even if you're tired, treasure the time like this. Being outside helps a lot. Go for a walk as a family, doesn't much matter where, or a half day out, treat yourselves to a lunch somewhere. If your missus is too tired, still go for a stroll with baby. Amazing how taking a little one outside makes things manageable, their crying doesn't seem so loud and if you ever get a compliment from a passerby then it really picks you up. Don't discount baby groups too, as well as keeping baby occupied for an hour or so it's a good way to meet other parents who, when you get to know them, will probably share similar stories with you about their own situation.
It's so normal to feel like this. Just tell and show them both that you love and appreciate them every day, and soon you'll have mastered the routine of your new life. Just in time for when baby decides to up the game by adding walking to their box of tricks.
