clairepartyring
Well-Known Member
Didsbury Dave said:
No,certainly havent!!!!!
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
Drunken Sleep Pissing - We've all done it, haven't we?
- Thread starter Didsbury Dave
- Start date
No,certainly havent!!!!!
PoolHustler
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 29 Oct 2008
- Messages
- 1,995
Funny as fuck, just woken the missus up laughingtueartsboots said:toby said:bluemonday said:I stayed at an ex-girlfriends parents house one night. Got f*cking slaughtered, and next morning I was the last to get up.
Went for a shite, which was theeee biggest shit I have ever done. The sheer length and width of the stool shocked me.
It was like a proper tramps shit. Anyway, I just knew I couldn't flush it and there was no bog-brush to force it down.
So I opened the bathroom window, picked up the huge shit with my bare hands and threw it as far as I could. Job done.
Had a shower and went down for breakfast, to be met with stone-cold silence and hateful glares. The mum, dad and my bird were sat in the conservatory finishing their full-english as my enormous turd splattered the glass roof.
We never went out again.
pmsl have tears in my eyes laughing
Add me and mrs TB to be that ! tears in eyes that is !
johnny on the spot
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 19 Jul 2006
- Messages
- 24,748
Aged about sixteen, I'd been drinking JD and beer at a mate's mum's house in Tintwhistle. I passed out absolutely fcuked in the living room while he was playing Resident Evil. After about half an hour of loud snoring I got up, whipped out the old chap and comprehensively hosed down his mother's new carpet, humming something resembling the Ghostbusters theme tune. Once finished, I apparently turned to my mate and remarked 'How's that for your mam, eh?' before collapsing face first, nob out into a nearby rocking chair. The worst part for my mate was that while distracted by me pissing all over the place, he'd been torn to bits by zombie rottweilers without saving his game. It apparently took a fortnight for the stink to evaporate.
Don't remember a thing about it at all.
Don't remember a thing about it at all.
JOGAMIGMOG
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 6 Jun 2006
- Messages
- 7,183
- Location
- Round at Kate Winslet's
- Team supported
- Manchester City, England and Levante Union Deportiva
Didsbury Dave said:Is there any man out there who can seriously claim to have not done a drunken sleep piss?
Whether it's in a wardrobe or drawer, on the wife or in a hotel corridor, the mystery sleep piss remains a bastion of manhood.
My personal theory is that it's your brains way of ensuring you don't piss the bed. And the reason that everyone remembers waking up pissing on a plant in a hotel or being told they pissed in the drawer at a mate's house is because in a strange house your brain gets lost.
I reckon we all do it more than we think in our own toilet and never even know. There've definitely been oddly large splashback stains around our toilet some mornings after a session.
So let's have your tales, gentlemen. Or ladies come to think of it. Surely there's some lady out there prepared to admit to nightsquatting?
I pissed in the wife's knicker drawer and also all over the hotel carpet in Brighton once. I once stayed at my mate's house following a particularly raucus party and woke up to find one of the lads pissing all over his stereo! :)
simonk
Well-Known Member
Ive pissed in our dirty washing basket a couple of times, and a few years ago staying in a mates spare room I woke them all up trying to shift the wardrobe that I was convinced was in front of the bedroom door blocking my exit. Id settled for pissing out of the window as people came to find out what was going on.
years back I was asleep on a mates couch and got up to throw up - made it to the kitchen sink and emptied out - turned the light on to find it full of pots. Then attempted to collect as much as I could and put it in the dogs bowl - dog wasnt having any of it, so I then scooped it up again and carried it up stairs and slung it down the bog. Nice tidy job done I thought and went back to sleep.
his old man woke me up a few hours later with a face like thunder and slung me out.
obviously the house looked like a spew spreader had been through it.
same mate got away with pissing on a girls front room floor by saying the radiator must have leaked.
Another lad came around to find his mates mum watching him pissing from the top of his mates stairs onto the barking dog at the bottom
years back I was asleep on a mates couch and got up to throw up - made it to the kitchen sink and emptied out - turned the light on to find it full of pots. Then attempted to collect as much as I could and put it in the dogs bowl - dog wasnt having any of it, so I then scooped it up again and carried it up stairs and slung it down the bog. Nice tidy job done I thought and went back to sleep.
his old man woke me up a few hours later with a face like thunder and slung me out.
obviously the house looked like a spew spreader had been through it.
same mate got away with pissing on a girls front room floor by saying the radiator must have leaked.
Another lad came around to find his mates mum watching him pissing from the top of his mates stairs onto the barking dog at the bottom
bluemooncol
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 6 Sep 2008
- Messages
- 588
after a heavy night out with my mates - i fell asleep on the sofa - then all i can remember was my brother saying 'col what are you doing' this is when i woke up, i was stood at the foot of his bed pissing on it while he was asleep, i then stopped and went back downstairs
blue dallas
Well-Known Member
few years ago i went through a phase of peeing on the kitchen floor.
then one sunday morning my girlfriend ( now wife) woke me up with a pint pot in her hand
full of lash slash, that she'd found on the kitchen worktop.
her response....." your improving "
then one sunday morning my girlfriend ( now wife) woke me up with a pint pot in her hand
full of lash slash, that she'd found on the kitchen worktop.
her response....." your improving "
I pissed all over my stereo unit many years ago when I still lived at home but I've since gone one better than that and shat in the corner of the marital bedroom. I then apparently wiped my arse with my hands and got back in bed. The scene in the morning was total carnage and the Missus didn't speak to me for about a week. I'm cringing now just thinking about it.
warpig
Well-Known Member
i know two people who do this regularly and as luck would have it, i was best man at one of the persons wedding. i incorporated it into my speech and brought the house down. it still makes my cry with laughter when i re-run the dvd. hes never lived it down. just thinking about it now makes me chuckle.
Cheltblue
Well-Known Member
Read this thread last night, and all of it again tonight. me and the bird have been 'p*ss*n' ourselves laughing.
Vulgar? Maybe!!! but prob the funniest thread i have seen on BM.
Vulgar? Maybe!!! but prob the funniest thread i have seen on BM.
NICKS BACK
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 6 Apr 2005
- Messages
- 1,242
Some funny stories out there, however
I was Best man at a mates wedding, his partner thought the world of me,until I sleepwalked couldn't find the bathroom and pissed on both the Bride and groom after they ended up sleeping on their new bed sofa which was purchased for me, to sleep on for my extended stay.
Another time, Slept walked, got undressed on a Saturday night to go to work!!? got found pissing outside in the pissing rain. Stark bollock naked apart from me Rolex watch.
Had to stand outside the flats buzzing the bell naked for 1/2 an hour with a soggy cardboard box to hide my modesty.
Pissed in my partners cat box until it over flowed was about the best, remember the cat getting the blame, with more than a certain amount of bewilderment as it stank of Stella Artois.
I was Best man at a mates wedding, his partner thought the world of me,until I sleepwalked couldn't find the bathroom and pissed on both the Bride and groom after they ended up sleeping on their new bed sofa which was purchased for me, to sleep on for my extended stay.
Another time, Slept walked, got undressed on a Saturday night to go to work!!? got found pissing outside in the pissing rain. Stark bollock naked apart from me Rolex watch.
Had to stand outside the flats buzzing the bell naked for 1/2 an hour with a soggy cardboard box to hide my modesty.
Pissed in my partners cat box until it over flowed was about the best, remember the cat getting the blame, with more than a certain amount of bewilderment as it stank of Stella Artois.
On our kid's stag do in Riga I was bladdered and desperate for a slash in the middle of the night. Still not sure if I was sleepwalking or just pie eyed, but ended up walking out of the hotel room and then down the corridor. It was one of those hotels where the corridor doors lock behind you and without the swipe card you can't get back in. As I came round realised I was locked out just in my boxers and really bursting for a piss, imminently, with nowhere to go. Legged it to the lift to get to the ground floor where I knew there was a toilet. Sods law the lift stopped on the way down and a couple got in, proper embarrassing. When it got to the ground floor I legged it across the foyer on the verge of literally pissing myself, then afterwards had to sheepishly get a member of the hotel staff to escort me back to my room so I could get back in. Spent the rest of the weekend with hotel staff laughing and pointing at me every time I went to reception. Still cringe about it now.
Televators
Well-Known Member
Ric said:On our kid's stag do in Riga I was bladdered and desperate for a slash in the middle of the night. Still not sure if I was sleepwalking or just pie eyed, but ended up walking out of the hotel room and then down the corridor. It was one of those hotels where the corridor doors lock behind you and without the swipe card you can't get back in. As I came round realised I was locked out just in my boxers and really bursting for a piss, imminently, with nowhere to go. Legged it to the lift to get to the ground floor where I knew there was a toilet. Sods law the lift stopped on the way down and a couple got in, proper embarrassing. When it got to the ground floor I legged it across the foyer on the verge of literally pissing myself, then afterwards had to sheepishly get a member of the hotel staff to escort me back to my room so I could get back in. Spent the rest of the weekend with hotel staff laughing and pointing at me every time I went to reception. Still cringe about it now.
Shit.
I've hero-worshipped you for years as well.
You ****.
liamctid
Well-Known Member
This has got to be the best thread i've ever seen on BM...
I can't recall ever doing anything of the sort personally... but I have a mate who has 'issues'.
In my last year of 6th form we used to always go to Milton Keynes' Oceana on a Thursday and then die the slowest of deaths on a Friday morning at school. It had been quite a big one this one night and I remember waking up at what was about 5 in the morning. I had a Casio light up watch. I thought i'd heard my mate get up out of my bed (we were sharing my double... nothing gay about that!) and knock the glass of water over next to my bed. But the water just kept on flowing... I pressed the light on the Casio to see my mate stood there with his arse out pissing all over my wooden floor. I waiting til he got back into my bed and smacked him in the face... twat!
Oh, but it doesn't stop there!
About a year later he stayed over mine at Uni. I slept in my bedroom and he kipped in our halls' living room which I shared with 5 others. We were playing Southampton in the cup that day so I got up and left without saying bye to him because I presumed he would still be asleep and fuck off when he wanted to. Anyway, went over to Manc, and back to Sheff whilst taking in a 3-1 victory and he was lying there on the sofa still (it was about 7:30 at this point) for some reason he was reluctant to turn the lights on. I went to my room to take my coat off and as I came out the 5 others I lived with started shouting at me. Apparently one of the lads I lived with went to work at 8 that morning and my mate was standing in the living room naked pissing on the floor... twat!
Since then there has been many situations where he transformed from sleep walking/pissing, to simply pissing himself. At the end of the summer last year I woke up to him pissed my bed, whilst I was still in it. I wouldn't say I'm proud of this by any stretch but I filmed him on my phone cleaning it off my bed so that I could show everyone what a twat he is. 'You've taken the piss out of my trust, so now I'm gonna take the piss out of you,' was the line. He eventually got picked up by his Dad in tears after I told him that he was a 'freakshow' that needed 'urgent help'... This would of stopped him wouldn't it?
No.
In October it was my mates 21st, and we stayed at his house in Fallowfield. Cracking night out, he rented out Prohibition in Deansgate, we got suited and booted, and fucking hammered. There was loads of us staying over his house and in one of the rooms was his brothers mate who was only 17. He slept next to my mate. He heard him get up in the morning and he thought he was just 'really sweaty'. Nah, the piss had struck again... And finally two weeks ago we had a night out in Sheffield, long story, but he slept next to my mates bed on the floor. My mate got woken up my the shower being on so he got up to see what was going on. He put his foot down into my mates piss. Lovely. His wallet and passport were on the radiator all day drying off.
Needless to say he has new phone every few months because they all get 'water-damaged',
I can't recall ever doing anything of the sort personally... but I have a mate who has 'issues'.
In my last year of 6th form we used to always go to Milton Keynes' Oceana on a Thursday and then die the slowest of deaths on a Friday morning at school. It had been quite a big one this one night and I remember waking up at what was about 5 in the morning. I had a Casio light up watch. I thought i'd heard my mate get up out of my bed (we were sharing my double... nothing gay about that!) and knock the glass of water over next to my bed. But the water just kept on flowing... I pressed the light on the Casio to see my mate stood there with his arse out pissing all over my wooden floor. I waiting til he got back into my bed and smacked him in the face... twat!
Oh, but it doesn't stop there!
About a year later he stayed over mine at Uni. I slept in my bedroom and he kipped in our halls' living room which I shared with 5 others. We were playing Southampton in the cup that day so I got up and left without saying bye to him because I presumed he would still be asleep and fuck off when he wanted to. Anyway, went over to Manc, and back to Sheff whilst taking in a 3-1 victory and he was lying there on the sofa still (it was about 7:30 at this point) for some reason he was reluctant to turn the lights on. I went to my room to take my coat off and as I came out the 5 others I lived with started shouting at me. Apparently one of the lads I lived with went to work at 8 that morning and my mate was standing in the living room naked pissing on the floor... twat!
Since then there has been many situations where he transformed from sleep walking/pissing, to simply pissing himself. At the end of the summer last year I woke up to him pissed my bed, whilst I was still in it. I wouldn't say I'm proud of this by any stretch but I filmed him on my phone cleaning it off my bed so that I could show everyone what a twat he is. 'You've taken the piss out of my trust, so now I'm gonna take the piss out of you,' was the line. He eventually got picked up by his Dad in tears after I told him that he was a 'freakshow' that needed 'urgent help'... This would of stopped him wouldn't it?
No.
In October it was my mates 21st, and we stayed at his house in Fallowfield. Cracking night out, he rented out Prohibition in Deansgate, we got suited and booted, and fucking hammered. There was loads of us staying over his house and in one of the rooms was his brothers mate who was only 17. He slept next to my mate. He heard him get up in the morning and he thought he was just 'really sweaty'. Nah, the piss had struck again... And finally two weeks ago we had a night out in Sheffield, long story, but he slept next to my mates bed on the floor. My mate got woken up my the shower being on so he got up to see what was going on. He put his foot down into my mates piss. Lovely. His wallet and passport were on the radiator all day drying off.
Needless to say he has new phone every few months because they all get 'water-damaged',
Biggsy1
Well-Known Member
The dreaded dunken sleep piss! I am another who is a fully fledged member of this club, the best one was when I stayed at an ex birds parents house, had stayed up late drinking whiskey with her fathers till late, woke up feeling like death when my bird came in with a weird look on her face.
She comes over and says breakfast is ready, I can hear her mum down stairs shouting me down, just as I get up though she says oh and my mum caught you walking around the house naked last night, after she heard you pissing on the landing. She had got up and turned the light on to see me stood stalk bollock at the top of the stairs in all my glory she had a conversation with me telling me to go to bed apparently!!!
All of a sudden flash backs came back to me ref clawing at the walls trying to find the door in the middle of the night oops, to top it off I had to go down to breakfast with her mum dad and 2 brothers, bad bad bad, knew the birds mum had seen little biggs as she gave me extra bacon at breakfast with a wink!!!!
She comes over and says breakfast is ready, I can hear her mum down stairs shouting me down, just as I get up though she says oh and my mum caught you walking around the house naked last night, after she heard you pissing on the landing. She had got up and turned the light on to see me stood stalk bollock at the top of the stairs in all my glory she had a conversation with me telling me to go to bed apparently!!!
All of a sudden flash backs came back to me ref clawing at the walls trying to find the door in the middle of the night oops, to top it off I had to go down to breakfast with her mum dad and 2 brothers, bad bad bad, knew the birds mum had seen little biggs as she gave me extra bacon at breakfast with a wink!!!!
ElanJo
Well-Known Member
Never had a drunken sleep piss.
I've had a drunken sleep sick (in bed). Was too fucked to move or clean it up so just stuck my pillow over it and went back to sleep.
I've had a drunken sleep sick (in bed). Was too fucked to move or clean it up so just stuck my pillow over it and went back to sleep.
Bluebird1
Well-Known Member
I've never done it! Does that make me odd?
I had a phantom piss bed experience when i was staying in a hotel in london..got up and the bed was dry as a bone..
My friend who i go out with on a friday and saturday night gets smashed and goes into his kids rooms and pisses over them..strange eh
To combat this his wife has had to buy bunk beds for the children(obviously sleeping on the top bunk only) lol
My friend who i go out with on a friday and saturday night gets smashed and goes into his kids rooms and pisses over them..strange eh
To combat this his wife has had to buy bunk beds for the children(obviously sleeping on the top bunk only) lol
Swales lives
Well-Known Member
Bump.... There you go Swervin
We went to pary one night and had a competition to see who could down the most raw eggs. My brother done 25. He went to bed and bout 4 in the morning he wandered into the living room. We was all on the beer and bong suddenly this apparition sauntered by dropped his kegs and shit in the cat litter tray. Fast asleep he was, so how did he know to use the litter. Weird.