Chef Heston Blumenthal looks back at how bipolar disorder has impacted his life.
www.bbc.co.uk
Watched that as I'm Bipolar too.
Pretty much everything shown in that programme applies to me :(
All the stories resonate; all the psychotic grandiose episodes (I've been responsible for saving the fucking world on about FOUR occasions and nobody's EVER thanked me! Not once! :):), the hypomania, the month long depressions, the self harm, the mood swings, the suicide attempts, the lot :(
And I was Fat Heston up until about 5? 8? years ago.
Zombied out on mood stabilizers and anti-depressants and anti-psychotics and whatever other little coloured pill they decided was appropriate that month; desperately telling myself that I was "getting better" whilst piling on the pounds and mumbling and bumbling my way through conversations (unless the anti-depressants kicked in and then sometimes I'd just loose ALL memory of what I was talking about and instantly drop out of a conversation with ZERO idea of what I'd been saying - unfortunately this is a lasting side effect which I still get all these years after stopping taking their "medication"); shuffling around like an old man barely able to function, but telling myself that this "letter-boxed" middle ground "kid's funfair ride" was better than the rollercoaster of Bipolar.
It wasn't. It was fucking shit and and I hated it. It just wasn't me any more.
Stopped all their meds when they told me my cholesterol level was around 13 (I kid you not) due to some known and totally predicted side-effect of the meds, and because they weren't actually giving me any (long term) mental health benefit. I'm on 40mg statins for life and my cholesterol levels are now very healthy and have been for some time.
Self medicate now, which is much better (in general) for my mental health but unfortunately it does comes with quite high levels of stigmatization from the ill-informed, ignorant masses out there (which is the only negative side-effect of my medication). I still get the ups and downs but when you know it's a cycle and it'll end eventually, you kinda learn to live with it, it's more complicated than that, but that's sort of how it is. I self medicate to get to sleep and to keep me out of trouble, nothing more, nothing less.
What I will say is that whilst people can have the same condition, the same experiences and the same outwardly observed behaviour patterns, not everybody experiences the condition equally.
Heston obviously enjoyed the mania (he self medicated with cocaine FFS), I didn't (losing your mind is too fucking scary, both during and after the event), I prefer the hypomania (and my medication of choice reflects this)
The programme lied IMO when they said that it's totally treatable, other than that I thought it did a good job telling people "our" story