General / Mental Health Support Thread

Just seen GP
Told me I've tried all the medication so they suspect there's an underlying other issue like Autism
Which I've been waiting for a test for since 2017
So it's dragging on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on

And 'we can't recommend electro convulsive therapy if it's autism'

So I suppose I'll have to go private (several grand) and get the test ASAP.

I'm pretty terrified to be honest
The thought of living with depression this severe
I just do not know what I should do
I've again told my brother today that I feel I'd be better off killing myself. I feel I have an existence that's not worth living on any level. It feels like I got handed this life and I'm being forced to participate even though its utter hell. As if it's a fate worse than death. Which it certainly feels that it is.

On top of this I feel the world is becoming an utter hellscape and that we're going to end up with fascism.

The only way I feel I can handle this severe depression is by joining a 24 hour gym and going there late at night every night and working out for several hours
But what the hell for ??

I envy the dead I really do
 
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PinkFinal said:
Just seen GP
Told me I've tried all the medication so they suspect there's an underlying other issue like Autism
Which I've been waiting for a test for since 2017
So it's dragging on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on

And 'we can't recommend electro convulsive therapy if it's autism'

So I suppose I'll have to go private (several grand) and get the test ASAP.

I'm pretty terrified to be honest
The thought of living with depression this severe
I just do not know what I should do
I've again told my brother today that I feel I'd be better off killing myself. I feel I have an existence that's not worth living on any level. It feels like I got handed this life and I'm being forced to participate even though its utter hell. As if it's a fate worse than death. Which it certainly feels that it is.

On top of this I feel the world is becoming an utter hellscape and that we're going to end up with fascism.

The only way I feel I can handle this severe depression is by joining a 24 hour gym and going there late at night every night and working out for several hours
But what the hell for ??

I envy the dead I really do
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That was an empathy like.

Sorry to learn about the shit that you are going through.

The chronic health conditions I deal with sometimes propel me into a similar mental space, albeit usually temporarily.

I can also relate to your point about the current global and domestic political landscape. While I don’t think we’ll end up with full-on fascism, a far-right future government seems a definite prospect.
 
I hope you can all find some answers and some peace. I really cant believe i have struggled for a whole year, it feels like it has been a few weeks only, strange what the brain can do , it has protected me by erasing my memories of each stage of recovery and the first six months when i suffered a lot in many ways, the critical care shrink has been a godsend, she told me everything i was experiencing and feeling was completely normal given what happened and not try to force it just go with it and it was just a time thing, what i am left with now is permanent unfortunately but hey ho , cheers Benny

Cheers also to a week on iv tramadol! Lush and god bless the NHS

Much love xxx
 
Doing a January challenge for Mind 31 minutes activity every day for 31 days. Struggling a bit at moment lifestyle all over the place, lost good friend of 50 years 2 weeks ago. Mother in law not eaten for about 13 weeks (roughly). Was sedated to just drift away 10 days ago and no fluids since then. On constant morphine. Sat with her for almost 10 hours yesterday and thought she was gone quite a few times, even staff in her care home can't believe still going but she's still hanging in there.
 
ob said:
Doing a January challenge for Mind 31 minutes activity every day for 31 days. Struggling a bit at moment lifestyle all over the place, lost good friend of 50 years 2 weeks ago. Mother in law not eaten for about 13 weeks (roughly). Was sedated to just drift away 10 days ago and no fluids since then. On constant morphine. Sat with her for almost 10 hours yesterday and thought she was gone quite a few times, even staff in her care home can't believe still going but she's still hanging in there.
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Ditto the mother in law suffering with Vascular dementia. Still taking on fluids but negligible by mouth. On opiates and dropped off ridiculous amounts of weight. Realistically she shouldn't have made Christmas but is "sadly" holding on. Dementia is a dreadful and protracted way for anyone to take leave of this world and ever so sorry for your loss.
 
Two Gun Bob said:
Ditto the mother in law suffering with Vascular dementia. Still taking on fluids but negligible by mouth. On opiates and dropped off ridiculous amounts of weight. Realistically she shouldn't have made Christmas but is "sadly" holding on. Dementia is a dreadful and protracted way for anyone to take leave of this world and ever so sorry for your loss.
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Thanks so much, I'm hoping yours is too long a wait
 
I came through Christmas/New Year better than I expected.

Just to make up for it, I have some kind of physical lurgey hanging over me, and feel like shit. But at least it isn't the mental side. I'm either fucking freezing or boiling hot, there seems to be no happy medium.
 
I have joined a 24 hour gym
Went there last night , there were no employees there so I couldn't work out how to use some of the equipment but I tried to exercise myself to exhaustion for two hours on the exercise bikes and leg press machine
Feel a little bit better today but this is going to be a long hard road
 
PinkFinal said:
I have joined a 24 hour gym
Went there last night , there were no employees there so I couldn't work out how to use some of the equipment but I tried to exercise myself to exhaustion for two hours on the exercise bikes and leg press machine
Feel a little bit better today but this is going to be a long hard road
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I'm not sure gym is going to work.
I find it a real chore and I don't really have the energy to exercise in such a way as to tackle my stress and depression on a meaningful level.
Perhaps I'll need to go twice a day.
I think fundamentally I just do not like being alive and resent being here.
The fear and depression in my head is just vast.
I can't even cry. I wish I could. I might feel better afterwards.
If they deny me electro convulsive therapy then I think that's me done.
I don't see it as a big deal if people do not wish to participate in this utter utter nonsense.

Still January is flying and in ten weeks the clocks will be going back and I've got a Chameleons gig in Halifax in 4 weeks to look forward to
 
Hope this year turns out to be better than last year for all of you, mental health services are almost all non existent and it’s a battle trying to get the right treatment.

On TV today I watched a harrowing clip of a lad who tried to kill himself because at the age of twelve another child showed him a clip on his phone that gave this lad a very severe PTSD.

Something he can’t get out of his head I think his name was Frazer, the expert said it was the tip of an iceberg, ….mobile phones in school mean children are seeing ugly graphic content/pictures and it harms them mentally. We don’t have enough help for them.
 
PinkFinal said:
I'm not sure gym is going to work.
I find it a real chore and I don't really have the energy to exercise in such a way as to tackle my stress and depression on a meaningful level.
Perhaps I'll need to go twice a day.
I think fundamentally I just do not like being alive and resent being here.
The fear and depression in my head is just vast.
I can't even cry. I wish I could. I might feel better afterwards.
If they deny me electro convulsive therapy then I think that's me done.
I don't see it as a big deal if people do not wish to participate in this utter utter nonsense.

Still January is flying and in ten weeks the clocks will be going back and I've got a Chameleons gig in Halifax in 4 weeks to look forward to
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At least your trying to find something that will help ease the pain you feel every single day PF the Chameleons played in Manchester I’ve never been to one of their gigs only watched them on YouTube they are a good band I’m sure you will enjoy a trip to Halifax.
 
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Nebuchadnezzar said:
Thanks to all for your posts, too many names to tag. Wasn't expecting so much attention overnight!

I'll come back with an update after a period of time. What I'll say is that the mrs is genuinely an excellent mother. The idea of a condensed week is very nice but I work in construction at this time and would likely be told to fuck off, you're just a piece of meat really. It won't be a job I do forever though, I'm no builder by trade, I started off as a labourer and just got good at it. In that regard I'm not trapped but changing jobs with everything else going on just felt like too much. She'll be back to work in January and our house back on two incomes which then means I can make moves again, rather than risk getting into something I hate or be in that dreaded 6 months sack at will period.
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I said I'd come back and here I am. The firm I was with made me redundant just before Christmas - very nice of them but the writing was on the wall, as our market became more competitive and jobs began to dry up. Naturally I spent most of Christmas worrying about this and it wasn't what I needed, with it being the first with our son. The mrs has returned to work today after a year off and now its me at home with the boy (temporarily). I may as well enjoy this time, as I've mentioned before that he will be the only child we ever have.

I suppose I hit a goal by reaching a point where my income was no longer the important one. I did interview with another firm for the exact same job the other day but ultimately it'll just be more daft o'clock wake ups, leaving me unavailable to ever drop boyo off at the childminders or pick him up. Financially I'm not under huge pressure, so I guess it's time to look for something a little more conventional. I'd been worried all week about how we'd get on but so far we're having a nice day together.

Hope everyone else is well.
 
I went to the walk in centre last night
I've told them that I've told my brother that "I need to delete myself" and that I'm watching noose tyeing tutorials on YouTube
Today I've purchased rope off eBay.
Just as back up really , having it as "comfort" knowing it's there.

The walk in centre liases with the NHS and I think the people I spoke to last night mentioned that electro convulsive therapy is being considered as my depression is now classed as untreatable as far as medication goes, as I've tried everything available.
But it's just not moving fast enough. It never ever is. I guess I could go to A&E tonight but would it make any difference at all ? Their job is to calm you down and send you home, it seems to me.

I'm not sure I should be sharing all this on here and perhaps it's even against the rules but obviously I'm in a very bad state.

I can't really talk to people I know in real life about it to this extent cos it'll scare them and some of them are dealing with their own burdens
 
PinkFinal said:
I went to the walk in centre last night
I've told them that I've told my brother that "I need to delete myself" and that I'm watching noose tyeing tutorials on YouTube
Today I've purchased rope off eBay.
Just as back up really , having it as "comfort" knowing it's there.

The walk in centre liases with the NHS and I think the people I spoke to last night mentioned that electro convulsive therapy is being considered as my depression is now classed as untreatable as far as medication goes, as I've tried everything available.
But it's just not moving fast enough. It never ever is. I guess I could go to A&E tonight but would it make any difference at all ? Their job is to calm you down and send you home, it seems to me.

I'm not sure I should be sharing all this on here and perhaps it's even against the rules but obviously I'm in a very bad state.

I can't really talk to people I know in real life about it to this extent cos it'll scare them and some of them are dealing with their own burdens
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Just phone someone, anyone. Or go to the police or the hospital (yes, I know.) Get someone to come round to be with you. Anyone who knows you "in real life" as you put it will hear the state you're in, and good thing if it scares them.

There've been people on BM recently who have had really bad health issues and other posters including mods have jumped in to help. If anyone's nearby (I'm not) Pink needs a helping hand today.
 
AliBobbyJ said:
Just phone someone, anyone. Or go to the police or the hospital (yes, I know.) Get someone to come round to be with you. Anyone who knows you "in real life" as you put it will hear the state you're in, and good thing if it scares them.

There've been people on BM recently who have had really bad health issues and other posters including mods have jumped in to help. If anyone's nearby (I'm not) Pink needs a helping hand today.
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This. This This This. If I was still living in Manchester I'd come to you myself.
 
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