Joke thread

JoeMercer'sWay said:
mrcunny said:
gaudinho's stolen car said:
A pound coin was thrown onto the pitch at Ibrox. Police are trying to determine whether it was a missile or a takeover bid!
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haha so many missed this gem...
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i didn't seeing as it had been done about 3 times in a page.
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that was the joke my friend.....have a word gsc...lol
 
Statistics prove one in twenty of us live next door to a peadophile! Not me I live next door to a stunning 13 year old with a cracking pair of tits.
 
A scouser found a lamp one day and gave it a rub, out popped a genie:

"Thank you for freeing me" the genie boomed, "I will grant you one wish."

"I'd like my hearing to be ok" said the scouser.

"Ok my friend, are you deaf in both ears or just one?"

"Neither" said the scouser, "I'm in court next week for burglary."
 
inchy14 said:
Thought i'd post this here as the other thread has been pulled....

A Welsh Muslim was caught having sex with a sheep today, He said it was islamb and he could do what he fucking wanted with it...
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Racist.

Patrice Evra has put in a formal complaint to the mods.
 
A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'. A spokesman for the channel said.... 'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'<br /><br />-- Tue Feb 21, 2012 10:54 am --<br /><br />I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself ‘that guy’s heading for a breakdown’.

On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said ‘English speaking Doctor’ - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don’t we have them in our country?'
 
citymad said:
A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'. A spokesman for the channel said.... 'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'

-- Tue Feb 21, 2012 10:54 am --

I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself ‘that guy’s heading for a breakdown’.

On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said ‘English speaking Doctor’ - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don’t we have them in our country?'
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Quality...had me giggling anyway.
 
My wife's been complaining for hours about toothache. She's been going on and on about the pain, and how much she's afraid of the dentist.

I'd had enough, so I got a pair of pliers, stood on her forehead and yanked it out.

Let's see how much moaning she can do without a tongue!
 
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for
several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears:
'You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side...
You know what Mary?'

'What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

'I'm beginning to think you're fucking bad luck...'
 
Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another man of the same calibre."
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