Here goes….
I’m 54, beautiful loving wife, 4 great kids, 2 from a previous who are grown up now and twins of 14.
For the last 12 months I just can’t shake this feeling of being utterly useless and how much better off my wife and kids would be if I wasn’t here. I’m tired, feel empty and despite having a great job and a great employer, I’m just not interested anymore.
I’ve been to the doctors, spoken at length and had so many blood and health checks to rule everything out so I’ve no underlying issues other than depression which he treated me for but within a couple of weeks of going onto meds I was suffering from what I can only describe as panic/anxiety attacks. I was literally frozen with fear. I would sit unable to move or leave for work and whilst I managed to force myself into the car and go, I’d be driving the 20 mins in an absolute blind panic. I came off the meds, telling the doctor why and I won’t go back on them because frankly, the feeling down and depression was easier to deal with than the side effects I was having.
I’m just home from work now, I’ve spent half the day just doubting myself. I just don’t feel useful anymore tbh and I can’t shake it.
I’m away to Austria on Monday for work for the week and I literally have zero interest in going which I hate but I can’t help the way I feel.
Everything I loved in life, City, football, fuck all feeling any longer, I hate it.
No idea if it’s a mid life crises, my age, something many men my age go through but it’s not nice and I don’t see it getting any better to be honest and that scares me.
To any blues on here suffering, I feel for you, it’s shit.